The Surprising Benefits of Positive Discipline: How to Raise Great Kids Without Raising Your Voice

Royda Ali
5 min readMay 29, 2023

Welcome back readers!!

Today, we’re diving deep into the art of disciplining our children without resorting to yelling. Yelling may seem like a quick fix, but it rarely deals with the underlying issue. It may be a common form of discipline, but it falls short in several critical aspects.

Illustration of a parent and child engaging in positive communication and discipline techniques. Learn effective parenting styles and discipline strategies without yelling. Join us on this journey of positive parenting and unlock the secrets to raising well-behaved and confident children.

The Problem

Let’s explore why yelling is ineffective:

  • Number one: It doesn’t teach children how to behave. When we yell at our children, they may only focus on our anger rather than understanding what they did wrong. They miss the chance to gain important lessons as a result.
  • Number two: Yelling can make children feel scared and humiliated. Imagine a scenario where a child spills milk accidentally, and the parent reacts by yelling. This reaction instills fear and embarrassment, hindering their self-esteem and emotional well-being.
  • Number three: It can strain the parent-child relationship. Yelling sends a message that we don’t respect our children, leading to strained relationships and diminished trust.

The Solutions offered

Luckily, there are numerous positive discipline strategies that foster healthy behavior and maintain strong connections with our children. Let’s explore some of them along with real-life examples:

Solution Number one: Set clear expectations

Clearly communicate your expectations for behavior. For example, you can explain to your child that leaving toys scattered on the floor poses a safety risk. By setting this expectation, you’re guiding them toward responsible behavior.

  • Example 1: Let’s say your child constantly forgets to put away their toys. You can set a clear expectation by creating a designated storage area for toys and explaining its purpose. Encourage them to tidy up after playtime to develop a sense of responsibility.
  • Example 2: Helping your child understand the importance of completing homework by setting a consistent study routine and explaining the long-term benefits.
  • Example 3: Establishing rules for screen time and explaining the reasons behind them to foster responsible technology usage.

Solution Number two: Use positive reinforcement

Acknowledge and reward positive behavior to reinforce good habits. Praise and rewards are powerful motivators that teach children the value of their actions.

  • Example 1: Suppose your child completes their homework without being reminded. Acknowledge their effort and offer praise for their responsible behavior. You can even create a reward system, such as earning stickers that accumulate to a special privilege or activity.
  • Example 2: Praising your child for sharing toys with a sibling or showing kindness to a friend.
  • Example 3: Rewarding your child with a special outing for consistently demonstrating good behavior at school.

Solution Number three: Offer choices

Granting choices within appropriate boundaries empowers children and helps them develop decision-making skills.

  • Example 1: Imagine your child is resistant to bedtime. Instead of enforcing a strict bedtime, provide them with two acceptable options, such as reading a book or listening to calming music before sleep. By offering choices, you’re allowing them to exercise some control over their routine while still meeting your expectations.
  • Example 2: Allowing your child to choose their after-school activity from a list of options, giving them a sense of autonomy and ownership.
  • Example 3: Giving your child the choice to pick their own outfit, encouraging their independence and self-expression.

Solution Number four: Use time-outs

Time-outs can be effective for addressing misbehavior and giving children an opportunity to calm down and reflect on their actions.

  • Example 1: If your child is engaged in aggressive behavior towards a sibling, calmly guide them to a designated time-out area. Explain that this break will give them a chance to think about their actions and choose a more respectful approach next time.
  • Example 2: Using a time-out to address aggressive behavior when your child hits a playmate during a playdate.
  • Example 3: Implementing a time-out to address tantrums and meltdowns when your child becomes overwhelmed.

Solution Number five: Natural consequences

Teaching youngsters about cause and effect can be accomplished extremely effectively by allowing them to see the natural outcomes of their actions.

  • Example 1: Let’s say your child repeatedly forgets to pack their lunch for school. Instead of rushing to the rescue, let them experience the natural consequence of going without lunch for a day. This experience can reinforce responsibility and encourage future planning.
  • Example 2: Letting your child experience the natural consequence of not completing their chores by not having their favorite dessert after dinner.
  • Example 3: Allowing your child to experience the natural consequence of forgetting their homework by taking the responsibility to communicate with the teacher.

Additional Information

Here is some additional information for you parents out there. In addition to the previously discussed strategies, here are a few extra tips to support your journey of disciplining without yelling:

  • Be a role model: Children learn by observing their parents. Ensure that you demonstrate respectful and appropriate behavior in your own actions.
  • Practice active listening: Take the time to listen to your child’s perspective and understand the underlying reasons behind their behavior. This empathy and understanding can strengthen your bond and guide your discipline approach.
  • Be patient: Teaching children how to behave is a gradual process. It takes time and repetition for them to grasp and internalize the values you’re instilling. Be patient with them and remember that mistakes are opportunities for growth.
  • Stay calm: It’s essential to maintain a calm demeanor when addressing misbehavior. If you yell, you’ll only make the situation worse. Take a few deep breaths before responding.
  • Communicate and enlighten: When your child misbehaves, explain to them why this is bad. Explain your expectations and provide guidance on how they can improve.

Final word

Parenting comes with unlimited benefits and together we are going to make it beautiful. By employing positive discipline techniques, setting clear expectations, maintaining open communication, and considering the additional tips we’ve discussed, you can create a nurturing environment that fosters growth and understanding.

Together, let’s build a supportive community focused on positive and effective parenting. Until next read, happy parenting!

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Royda Ali

Multi-disciplinary creative pushing boundaries and inspiring others with fresh ideas and unique perspectives.